Let's Do Lunch

Something I rarely did when I owned Uncle Marty's, that I now wish I had done more of, is taking clients and potential clients out to lunch.

Deep down, I'm an introvert—technically an "extroverted introvert," from what I'm told. This may surprise many of you who meet me at conferences, are my clients and chat with me regularly on Zoom or in person, see me on socials, or encounter me hamming it up at the local theaters where I now spend a lot of time in my semi-retirement era, but I get drained when I have to converse on a surface level with too many people for too long. Yes, I can perform...and love, love, love the spotlight. Yes, I do genuinely care for people and value a good heart-to-heart with someone I'm close to. Yes, I'm fully engaged on client calls, because I have a relationship with them and care about their success. But too much fluffy small talk with people I don't know well often exhausts me...and it's hard for me to focus when I'm not fully engaged. I don't get energized by most conversations, but rather I get energized, recharged, reset, and refocused by alone time—in my own room, curtains drawn, dark, quiet, and without distraction, interruption, or conversation.

I'll share a little secret: when I travel to conferences, I often stay at a different hotel than the one the conference books. I do this for a few reasons: 1) I'm a Hilton loyalist and love racking up points in order to maintain my coveted tier status with the brand, so if the conference isn't at a Hilton property I'll usually find one nearby; 2) I try to avoid as many elevator and hallway conversations as possible, protecting my energy for more meaningful discussions in classes, presentations, seminars, and exhibition booths; 3) my privacy is important and nobody need to know my room number. So, staying elsewhere allows me the personal space and decompression time that I know I need to shake off the day and reduce the chances of having a too-many-people-triggered migraine when it's all over (though that migraine will still happen 80% of the time, and is why I often schedule a buffer day or two after every conference to recuperate from cephalalgy that inevitably comes after that much socialization).

It's because of this boundary, which is a healthy one, that I traditionally shied away from wining and dining people too much. True, I did it some. In fact, I've been on more business lunches and networking meals than I can possibly count! But, as a general rule, I'd prefer to do other things. I joined a plethora of committees in my municipality and at the local university, but a group setting is much less triggering to me than a one-on-one sit-down dedicated conversation where I have to be fully present and engaged. It's also why, after over a year now of being in my new home, I can count on one hand the times I've invited guests over for a meal. It simply drains me, even though there's much about it that I do enjoy.

But one thing I've learned since coaching alongside Seema and Fahim for the past decade, and past two years officially as colleagues with AYM High Consultants, is the value of feeding people. They feed people all the time. When I'm at our AYM High headquarters in Grand Island, New York for workshops, client training, or whatever, meals are often the main focus of our time together. It's the same when we meet at conferences or are doing onsite visits for a clients: going out to eat will always lead to much greater things. Truly, more gets accomplished over a shared meal than it does at other times.

One of my favorite new podcast discoveries is Wiser World (wiserworld.com—check it out!), hosted by the incredibly well-researched, wise, smart, and empathetic Alli Roper. Lately, she's been doing a series on the show called "Common Ground," where she digs into traditions and customs that are the same or similar across-the-board for cultures around the world. It's fascinating! And sharing meals, feeding guests, and breaking bread to build bonds is certainly one of the things that we, as humans, share as an inherent quality of community and relationship building.

Think about it: at the last industry conference you attended, did you find the most value in the classes or during the meals or after-hours gatherings when you sat with peers, vendors, and industry leaders together to have frank discussions and share ideas? Likely, you're torn on the answer, as both have incredible value. Eating together breaks down walls and allows us to, indeed, share common ground.

If I had to do it all over again, I'd take a lesson from my colleagues and from one of my favorite shows, Emily in Paris, where most of their major business deals are made over lunch out, and do a whole lot more business meals—with clients, potential clients, colleagues, and neighbors. Undoubtedly, breaking bread brings bonds bound for big business.

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Marty Johnson is the Communication and Vision Lead at AYM High Consultants, a columnist, and an editor, producing the mail and business center industry's leading magazine, MBC Today. In 2023, he sold his popular and growing brand, Uncle Marty’s, and retired from shopkeeper life to focus on writing and coaching. Subscribe to his Ask Uncle Marty™ newsletter and read more at askunclemarty.com; follow him on socials @askunclemarty.

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This article was published on January 2, 2026 on askunclemarty.com and will also be shared in the Ask Uncle Marty™ column in MBC Today Volume 28 Issue 1 on January 6, 2026.